Biopsy

Tuesday, July 24. I'm scared, scared, scared. Every woman I've talked to who has had an endometrial biopsy has told me it is extremely painful. The booklet that Doc B. gave me says I will feel some cramping or pinching. I've been living with these awful cramps for a week now, I don't want more pain. I also don't want to live in this pain. So, I cry. I cry during my morning tea. I cry during breakfast. I cry as I read my email and try to focus on work stuff. I am such a cry-baby, I am ashamed of myself! And still I'm scared.

Doc said take 2 Ibuprofins one hour before the biopsy. I am very careful to do this! Dayton tries to jolly me into a good mood all morning. It's not funny, I'm not in a laughing mood, I want to slap him and tell him to shut up but I keep it to myself. He's doing his best, I know that. But it's not helping.

We get to the clinic, a different building from last week. I don't even have the comfort of familiar surroundings. We sit in the waiting room, me growing more and more tense. Why did I bother to bring a book? I certainly can't concentrate on the words.

They call my name. Somehow I get up, somehow I smile at the nurse. She's wearing scrubs with Eeyore and Winnie the Pooh on them. I love Eeyore, but I don't relax. She checks my weight - same as Friday, she checks my height - again, same. She checks my blood pressure and it's actually a little lower than it's been. Funny, I'm so scared and yet my BP is back down in the normal range. She starts taking my history - again. She asks if I've had this procedure before, and I lose it, and start sobbing.

Years ago, the nurses would have scolded and said, "Oh, come on, it's not going to be that bad." Not Selinda. She gets up and folds her ample arms around me and holds me tight. "It's OK," she murmers, "we'll take care of you, don't worry." I pull myself together, and she asks me to take off everything below the waist, and get on the table while she gets the doctor. So, I do. I hate this. I hate this. I HATE this!!!!!

There's a knock on the door, and I mumble something. Doc B comes in, smiling. "How are you today?" And I burst into tears - again. Poor man, he wasn't expecting this. He reaches over and gives me a quick hug. "It won't be so bad, you'll see." I sob out, "I'm so scared, the cramps are back, they're worse than before, what if it's cancer?"

Doc B steps back and says, "You know, I think that you've worked yourself up so much that it would be kinder if we just get the procedure over quickly, and then we can talk."

And the biopsy is done. I lay back, and try to relax. The nurse hands hime things - I don't want to see the probes. I feel the speculum go in, it's not too bad. I feel other things go in, not sure what they are, but they don't hurt. I'm starting to relax, and so I try to joke, "So, are you done yet?" And to my surprise he says, "Yes, just one more swipe - I told you it wouldn't hurt."

It didn't hurt. It didn't hurt. I can't believe it - I had the biopsy and it didn't hurt!

He finishes, and the nurse helps me sit up. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way, what questions can I answer for you? The tissues look normal to the eye, although of course we won't know for certain until we get the lab results." We talk, and I ask about controlling the cramps. The nurse suggests upping the dose of Ibuprofin and he agrees. "Take 2 tablets every 4 hours. It's better to keep it in your system than trying to take one just before the pain gets bad."

Then I'm free to go. It will take about a week to get the results, they say. So I make an appointment for the following week. "It will just be a consultation," says the nurse. "You won't even have to take your clothes off!" "Well, that will be different," and we leave the clinic.

I'm giddy. We stop at Starbucks for Chai. We stop at Office Max for print cartridges. We stop at 3 Sisters Cafe before we get home and treat ourselves to ice cream. It's a wonderful afternoon. I feel TERRIFIC!!!! I keep saying over and over in the car, "It didn't hurt! It didn't hurt!"

The euphoria lasts until 5:30 p.m. Then I drift to the couch, tired and crampy. "Maybe it will take a while for the extra drugs to catch up." It's another long night.